I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
