I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize