I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
