i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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