Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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