Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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