There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
did i just pee glitter
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
