Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
