dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
