My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I want is dick and wine.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
