even my farts smell like vagina
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
