i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sext me about skeletons
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
