ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
