just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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