I think I am morally bankrupt
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
