you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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