Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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