U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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