Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
