About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize