Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I pour the whiskey from now on
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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