I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
