My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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