as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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