You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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