I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How does one acquire holy water?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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