if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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