The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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