Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
