O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
