I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
