I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
