Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
