I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize