And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
