I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
