drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just had sex bonerless
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
