I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
