just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
