Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize