Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
