Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize