Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
