I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I need moral support for this bender
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
