She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
