Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the day after is always just damage control
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
