Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
