I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
