real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Your cock deserves a montage
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
