I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
