just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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