No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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