so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
