fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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