i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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