i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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