Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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