I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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