Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
