Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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