He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize