You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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