I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
