Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
