How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
