his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
