Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think I died a long time ago.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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