I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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