I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
