I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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