do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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