My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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