I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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