TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
